Experiment Week 2

Monday -- We had our annual Jazz/Celtics game date + dinner. Wasn't really quality time with Joe because he only goes for me. And I was pretty much a snotty bitch all night.
Grade to myself: F

Tuesday -- Got home from work late and Joe was already asleep.
Grade to myself: F

Wednesday -- Walked to the store with Joe, but passed on watching South Park with him because I was tired.
Grade to myself: C

Thursday -- Found time to watch South Park with Joe even though I was hosting a baby shower at our house!
Grade to myself: B

Weekend -- Did the typical stuff (dinner, movies, errands) but nothing out of the ordinary.
Grade to myself: C

Experiment Week 1

Monday -- Had plans to go to the bike store with Joe to get some new gloves. I got off work too late so we had to reschedule. Met up later with Joe and Kyle at the bar for the Jazz game. Joe was entranced by the game so I chatted with Kyle most of the time.
Grade to myself: C

Tuesday -- Censored for your protection ;)
Grade to myself: B
Could have had an "A" if I went to the grocery store with Joe at 9pm for eggs, but I was soooo tired!

Wednesday -- I think this might be starting to work. Joe gave me some nice "Words of Affirmation" this morning, which is MY love language. Had lots of fun together on St. Patty's Day.
Grade to myself: A

Thursday through Sunday -- Went to Vegas with Devyn (my sister) and Kyle (her boyfriend). It was hard to focus on quality time with Joe since we were a 4-some pretty much all weekend. I was probably more ornery than normal because I think I'm over Vegas for a while. Too much walking and staying up too late.
Grade to myself: D

Joe's Love Language

I just finished reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's been on my "list" for as long as I can remember. I finally picked it up a few weeks ago to use with some clients. Turns out it's been way more influential in my OWN marriage than with my clients!

The 5 love languages are:
-- words of affirmation
-- quality time
-- receiving gifts
-- acts of service
-- physical touch
It's pretty easy to identify yours and/or your partner's love languages, but here is an assessment if you need a little help.

I always thought that sex was Joe's preferred way of being shown love -- because he's a guy, and because he's Joe. However, I learned that it's more than just sex -- his love language is "quality time". I guess that could include sex, but it's not just sex, or that would be "physical touch".

I'm going to do a little secret experiment on him and document my experiences here for you all to read! Actually, it's more for my own purposes than for y'all, but why not let you learn from my marriage? My goal is to spend "quality time" with Joe two times each week. These have to be things HE enjoys and wants to do with me. The book has some suggestions of how to do this, but I'm not going to type them all out, so go buy the book if you want to know the details.

Watch for reports to come!

Things That Must Go*

Coworkers who continually ask you for help and reassurance
Coworkers who care more about what's convenient for them than what's best for kids
Coworkers who play their music too loud
Coworkers who complain too much
Coworkers who take my State car
Metro jail policies
Metro jail staff
Snow on my day off
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle
My Zune
Furnaces that leak carbon monoxide
Water heaters that only heat 10-minutes worth of water
Microwaves that stop working for no reason
Computer viruses
Clients with bad boundaries
Clients with lice
Clients who don't follow through with homework
Clients who refuse to take their meds
Clients who try to control me
Old coffee
Houses without a washer or dryer
Dwight Schrute
The Nip/Tuck series finale
Noisy neighbors
Asshole neighbors
Neighbors who think they can park wherever they want
Neighbors who stack trash up next to the dumpster
Neighbors who doorbell ditch
Moms who enable their kids
Moms who blame their kids for stuff they didn't do
Judgmental people
Hateful people

*Title respectfully and thankfully borrowed from X96 Radio From Hell

Teen Mom

I visited my friend Steph in Houston a few weeks ago. It's my second January trip and we're making it an annual "Girls Weekend". (Maybe we can get Kara to leave Zane and come with us next January ;) Steph is a foster mom now (!) so we didn't get as crazy as last year, but we still had a lot of fun. Basically she got me addicted to some PRETTY BAD reality TV shows, namely Teen Mom, Celebrity Rehab, and Jersey Shore. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that last one. Anyway, I just want to say THANK GOD I never met the criteria to be a teen mom. I was sure asking for it, but God must have had another plan for me. And I'm not even religious, so that's saying a lot for me.

What's New

Sorry, fans. I know it's been a while. Here's what's new and exciting in the Reynolds household:

Joe's truck broke down. I can't even tell you what is wrong with it because I don't speak car language. Basically it needs a new engine, which will cost about $4000. We can't decide if we would rather do that or just buy him a new car. And then if we decide on the new car, we would have to choose between another truck or a Subaru. So until we decide, we are a "One Car Family." It sucks. Joe works at 7:15am so he drops me off at 7:00am and then I take a State car to all my appointments. (Don't tell anyone I said this, but it's actually nice to get to work on time. I get lots done in the mornings!)

A couple weeks after that, our furnace went out. Basically the part that converts the poisonous gasses into non-poisonous gasses has a crack, so there is the potential for carbon monoxide to leak out and KILL us. No bid deal. The tune-up guy "red-tagged" our furnace and shut it off. A new furnace is only about $2500. No big deal. Thank God I have a smart husband who thought to buy a carbon monoxide detector for $29 before we spent the $2500 on a new furnace. The thing has read "0" every day since we got it. Clearly the crack does not constitute a definitive leak. So we're living day by day, hoping we wake up alive each morning, until we save up some $ to buy a new furnace.

Same week: I go in for a dental checkup and find out I need two crowns. Apparently my teeth were weakened by a combination of Utah's no-fluoride-in-the-water policies and 1980's dentists who used huge silver fillings. $700, no big deal. The only good thing that came from this was that Joe finally found us an awesome dentist (Jason Hodge, Wasatch Dental Care). He's a Utah fan. He's young and funny. His hygienists are "cute" according to Joe. And best of all, he turned my nitrous all the way up because it was "Happy Hour Friday."

We got a housekeeper. Yeah, yeah, I know I just wrote three paragraphs about how broke we are, but she only charges $15/hour while alleviating $1,000,000/hour worth of stress for me. SHE CLEANS THE BATHROOM. Tell me something better than having someone else clean your bathroom every other week? There is nothing. She also dusted the blinds, dusted the bottom shelf of the coffee table, cleaned the inside lid of the garbage can, cleaned out the microwave, and cleaned out the oven drip pans! Who does that?! Kay, that's who!!

We're planning our next trip to Vegas because we got a $50/night coupon for the Tropicana. We'll probably go March 18-21 with my sister and her boyfriend. Love Vegas! Can't wait to check out the new City Center.

Honeymoon!!

Honeymoon pics...
click here

and the top 20 moments that you WON'T see in the photo album...
20. Joe eating 3 lobsters in one sitting
19. Trisha gaining 9 pounds
18. Trisha sleeping for 12+ hours a day (Joe took >25 pics and planned to make a collage but the files have been confiscated)
17. Joe telling the whole ship that Trisha has ugly knees
16. Trisha being reassured by numerous 70-year-old men that her knees are pretty
15. Joe kicking Trisha's ass at mini golf
14. Trisha kicking Joe's ass at chess
13. Joe earning the nickname "Mr. Cerveza" because none of the Mexicans could remember his name
12. Trisha almost stepping on a manta ray
11. Joe humping Trisha on-stage
10. Trisha lying about her bra size on-stage
9. Joe winning $66 at Bingo
8. Trisha hitting a straight flush at three-card poker (that pays 40-to-1!)
7. Joe putting on Trisha's lipstick while waving around a 50-year-old's bras
6. Trisha getting voted off The Weakest Link in round 2
5. Joe taking off his shirt and doing the Can-Can in front of the whole ship
4. Trisha flashing her belly button piercing to the whole ship -- in a DRESS
3. Joe leaving Trisha alone in the men's bathroom, hiding in the stall, while some guy used the urinal
2. Joe telling the whole ship that sex with Trisha the prior evening was more like Memorial Day (honoring the dead) than the Fourth of July (fireworks)

and the number one thing you won't find a picture of...

1. Trisha and Joe being walked in on by the room steward!

weekends...

...are usually spent planning a wedding and/or going to bars. this weekend i did neither, so i thought it was worth writing about.

thursday: as part of my pre-wedding-beauty-regimen-experimentation, i got microderm abrasion and a chemical peel. the chemical part hurt like HELL. she informed me halfway through the procedure that i'm going to peel for the next TWO WEEKS! like i have a bad sunburn, except that i paid $89 to get it. i better look super hot.

friday: see previous blog

saturday: i took joe to breakfast in the middle of his 14-hour shift (he had to get his hours in before we leave for vegas on wednesday). went shopping by myself. it's the only way i like to do it. i got two new "moisture wicking" tanktops from old navy for bike rides. i walked around barnes and noble (my favorite store) for an hour. thank god for my kindle or i'd have spent $100 there. i rode my bike 10 miles downtown (while wearing a new tanktop of course) to check out the first annual "craft lake city." it was awesome! i met up with my friend from work sue and her cute daughter. we were there to support our old friend amber and her purse line, mode. her purses rock! they clip on your wrist or belt loop -- perfect for riding or just not having to deal with a god damn purse all the time. i've been using it all weekend and i think it's the best purchase i've made in a while. there was tons of other cool stuff there but i PURPOSEFULLY took my bike so i couldn't buy any of it. i saw kristen and jaxon on my way home. random!! the 10 miles home was much harder than the 1o miles there....got home and crashed. joe and i watched the davinci code. the last 10 minutes got cut off by the tivo so we had to drive 5 miles to find a copy at redbox. lame.

sunday: i made a yummy breakfast. i'm a good cook when i want to be. i watched "the curious case of benjamin button." it was kinda boring. we went to a bees game. we took joe's bike. i love the bike, but he says it's "not comfortable" with me on the back. guess we need a cruiser bike. i swear i love baseball, but you'd never guess it by sitting through a bees game with me. i just sit and drink and dink around on the crackberry. beer was $6.75!! now i remember why we only go on thirsty thursdays. too bad there are no more this season. we took care of some in-law drama, i.e. putting together 40 new invites since they gave me their list too late. we went to dinner at applebees. now i'm sitting here wasting a few hours, trying not to watch "miss march" while joe is laughing his ass off about it.

days off

days off are great. wasn't all the way "off" though. talked with an attorney for 10 minutes about a case. mom probably won't get her kids back. she lets dad choke her. i guess hitting and pushing are okay, but choking is not. she'll probably die. and she fakes surgeries to get pills. six year old cried because foster mom was sick and he thought he wouldn't get dinner. three year old likes to punch other kids in the face with a closed fist. good thing it was only a 10 minute call. that's about all i can take sometimes.

the day got better. went for a bike ride with my sister. had 40 minutes of drama trying to fit my bike in the trunk. tried the bike rack but gave up on that, too. finally rode to meet her instead. was awesome until we ran out of trail and then she got a flat tire. thank god we were close to joe's office. thank god he took his truck to work. don't think our 2 bikes would have fit on his motorcycle.

got my oil changed. my last one was 5892 miles ago. whoops. also need new tires, new battery, coolant flush, air filter, and transmission service. maybe i'll stick with the bike.

finally got a wedding list from my future in-laws. they invited their attorney, accountant, realtor, and loan processor. retarded. they better bring good gifts. they better not expect dom. joe wants dom. i'm going to veto that until my last breath. i'd rather spend the weekend in st. george.

went to a sex toy party. third one this year. not obsessed, just supporting joe's cousin. people are funny. girl next to me would not try anything. not even edible glitter. get over yourself. another girl thought i was 32. obviously the $89 chemical peel was a waste. that bitch better watch her back.

went to a movie with my girlfriend from college and her friends. girls night was good. wish we could have talked more. movie was cute. 500 days of summer. sundance movie. hot girl. hot boy. "not a love story." go see it.

don't know why i'm writing like this. read a blog written like this a few days ago. style must have stuck in my head. don't even like the girl who writes that blog.

Go Bold or Go Home

Joe and I went to Del Taco the other night around 10:30. I know, I know, that was my first mistake. It was after softball, I didn't want to cook, and some bitch on Joe's team said I was "horrible"at softball, so it was an emotional-eating-relapse.

Anyway there was the woman there, probably late 20's, with four kids ranging from two to eight. They were running all over the play land, with HUGE sodas, at TEN THIRTY ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT. Joe thought she must be a foster mom (I pray it wasn't so). My guess was a nanny. Maybe she was their mom, who knows? Anyway she brings the two year old over to the drink machine for a refill. Joe and I are on the edge of our seats to see if he gets caffeine or not. Drum roll...........CHERRY COKE!!!

They play for a little longer and then we follow them out as they leave. We were seriously 15 seconds behind them and she was already pulling out of the parking lot. Please tell me how she could have put four children in car seats/booster seats in 15 seconds? I seriously almost followed her to give her a piece of my mind.

Then I was thinking: "Is this really a huge deal? It's summer -- maybe they earned a late-night trip to Del Taco for doing all their chores. Maybe I'm too judgmental of how other people raise their kids. Maybe I need Valium." Yes, I think I need Valium.