Death and Taxes (I think I prefer death)

Let me begin with a little personal tax history. I used to do my own taxes until I started selling Mary Kay in 2005, and then it just got way too complicated with Schedule C's and the like. I became so overwhelmed by the thought of finding a good tax consultant and having to explain to him or her why I didn't keep very good business records during the year, that I just didn't deal with any of it! That's right, I didn't file my taxes that year. Or the next year. Or the year after that. Doesn't sound like the responsible, law-abiding, OCD Trisha that you know, does it?!

Then one day, I won a Mini Cooper, and I decided I better get my shit together because the IRS would surely be after me for that $8K debt. I found this awesome tax guy (Mark) who specializes in Mary Kay business taxes, and he helped me catch up all 3 years I had been avoiding. Basically, he became my new personal hero, and I was committed to being a life-long customer.

So where did things go astray? Joe is where. Joe is what we call a bargain shopper. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's a very nice quality to have; he compliments my impulsiveness well. Well Joe decided that he didn't want to pay Mark another $200 this year. I agreed it was a little high, but I would rather pay him $1000 than go through the drama of finding a new accountant at this point. So I made Joe a deal that we could use a new tax guy of his choosing as long as Joe did all the legwork and I just got to sit and sign.

So Joe hires this guy that his dad recommended (Dale). Dale is a cute old guy who does taxes in the basement of his home. Joe and I knew we were screwed as soon as Dale put his pudgy little fingers to the keyboard. Bet you never knew that I work for the "State of Uta" and that Joe and I won some "prises" last year? Two-and-a-half hours later when his next clients showed up, we were far from done, so he asked us to grab some dinner and come back in an hour. When we got back, he had lost my returns. Thank God we found them, paid this guy his $160, and ran out the door.

First thing next morning, Joe scheduled a Second Look Review at H&R Block because we did not trust this guy at all. Surprise, surprise! He f***ed the whole thing up. He put the house on Joe's return, when it saved us more money to put it on mine. He put our prize winnings on a Schedule C, which is for earned income, so he had us paying twice as much tax on them. He encouraged me to claim a business office in my home for MK, when I really didn't qualify. Our return at H&R turned out to be much less, but at least it was legal and accurate! So we paid them $329 to just file the damn thing.

So then Joe calls Dale to ask for a refund. We were hoping for at least half, if not all of it, back. I know he spent a lot of time on our returns, but he was putting us in position to owe the IRS hundreds of dollars if we ever got audited! Right in the middle of the call, Dale cuts Joe off, says he will call him later, and HANGS UP. WTF. He finally calls back a week later and offers us $50 back (much less than half). Joe argues his point; Dale says no. What an ass.

So all in all we spent about 1/2 a mortgage payment on tax returns this year. I guess you live and you learn. The plus side is that Joe learned how to do the Schedule Cs for Mary Kay after sitting through so many hours of tax preparation, so we'll be doing our own taxes next year!