Pantyhose

I am FED UP with pantyhose!

Will someone please tell my why the hell they were invented?

Yes, they make my legs look sexier. Yes, they make the fact that I haven't been tanning in a year less evident. Yes, they conceal the stubble that is starting to show because I haven't shaved in 3 days.

But lately I am beginning to see that the downfalls outweigh the benefits. They tear so easily, especially with fake acrylic nails. And if you get one tiny little hole in them, it spreads like an August wildfire in Cali. They itch, they make your feet smell bad, and they dig into your waist. And DON'T ever put them in the wash with something Velcro!

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind purchasing things that are disposable. I buy food every day. I buy gas every week. But a Lean Cuisine is only $2.00 and gas is only $3.30* a gallon. A good pair of nylons, even from the outlets in Park City, is over SEVEN BUCKS. So here is my theory:

Men invented nylons as an evil torture device for women, not just as a way to sexualize us, but as a way to keep us poor and submissive and under their control. The more powerful of a woman you are, the more likely it is that you are expected to wear pantyhose as part of your respectable business attire. But the more you wear pantyhose, the more likely you are to tear them and be forced to buy more! It's an evil, evil plan.

The unfortunate part is that I will continue to wear pantyhose each and every day because society expects that of me. Screw all you men. Especially those of you who have shared with me your sexual fantasies about me that involve any sort of pantyhose or otherwise restricting garment.

*Disclaimer: This is an old blog from my 2006 Mary Kay days that I'm re-posting to tide you all over because I'm too busy to write anything new this week.