While sitting at Les Schwab last Saturday (my tire blew -- thanks for the awesome plowing last weekend, UDoT), I had the opportunity to step out of my role as a DCFS caseworker and observe the way my clients likely act when the State isn't watching.
This beautiful blonde 4-year-old walked in, followed by her toothless dad in Wranglers and her hillbilly grandparents. The first thing she saw was the candy machine, and she immediately began asking her three loving caregivers for a quarter. They were too busy looking at tires to answer her (even with a "no") so she kept asking louder and louder until her grandmother finally turned around -- probably to smack her and tell her shutup -- but she just ended up spilling her coffee all over the floor instead. And then, grandma had the nerve to yell at the cutie pie, like it was her fault that grandma can't hold a damn coffee mug.
So the little girl gave up (wouldn't you?) and came over to ask me what I was doing. Talk about poor boundaries. We made small talk for a minute about my shoes and what she got for Christmas, but it didn't take long for her to get to the heart of the matter: "Do you have a quarter?" she asks.
Of COURSE I had a quarter for this cutie! She wasn't asking for a dollar for the vending machine like most kids would. She wasn't running in circles all over the store like most kids would. She didn't even throw a tantrum when her grandparents said "no" like most kids would.
But before I could even say, "Let's ask your grandpa," he was already yelling at her: "No, you can't have a quarter! Didn't we already tell you no?! If you ask for one more thing, I'm going to lock you up in the truck and leave you there for a couple hours until we're done here!"
No he didn't. I almost pulled out my badge and removed her right there. And the worst part is, I got the feeling he only said that to put on a show for me, like he was some big tough guy who takes care of business. I thought about "accidentally" leaving a quarter for her on the floor when I left, but I was afraid they would smack her around for stealing if they found her with it.
I don't really know what the moral of the story is. I guess just don't let me see you talk to your kids like that or I might slash your brand new tires.
That's so rude. I hate it when people do that! One time we are at a restaurant and a little girl wiggled her booster seat off the chair. Boy, did she get an ear full and I was so sad for her!
ReplyDeleteOne of the hardest parts of working for the adoption agency was putting up with the horrible shit people did to their kids. We HAD to, or we'd be fired (reason #45068739823 that I quit). I remember we had a group activity with all the moms and the kids. A little girl named Justice ran up to me and wanted me to hold her. I picked her up and noticed she had a big gash across her cheek. I asked her what happened and she said, "My mamma. She slap me upside da heeaaaad." Seriously. This kid was FOUR. How exactly are you supposed to be an advocate for a woman you have to watch beat her children? I had a talk with that woman, but the hopelessness was something that NEVER went away. One of the things I learned, however, is how hard and difficult these women have it. No support, no family, mental illness, poverty, etc. It was no excuse for beating the hell out of their little kids, but you could tell that they were participating in a cycle that they had previously been victimized by.
ReplyDeleteAnd THAT'S why I can't do what you do! :)
Hope all's well lady.
It want to slap that family. People have no idea the depth of damage they do to their children. At some point I would like to come up with a prevention tenique to educate parents on this subject. I love you blog. I need to learn some new blogging skills!
ReplyDeleteJen - I'm with you! Prevention is definitely the way to go. Maybe you should move back here and we should create a curriculum for a parent training program!
ReplyDeleteCan you really do that, pull out your badge and remove the child then and there?
ReplyDeleteIt makes me so sad to see stuff like that and I always wish there was something I could do.
Carly,
ReplyDeleteI CAN'T really do that -- we have to have a warrant to remove a kid, unless it's "exigent circumstances." I would have to call our Intake department to get an investigator out there to help me if I really wanted to do something about it. But it would be nice!!
Sometimes I wish I still had a badge!! There are some really crappy parents out there. I love what you said about poor boundaries though. I am always so happy that Halle is scared of strangers. :)
ReplyDelete