Honeymoon!!

Honeymoon pics...
click here

and the top 20 moments that you WON'T see in the photo album...
20. Joe eating 3 lobsters in one sitting
19. Trisha gaining 9 pounds
18. Trisha sleeping for 12+ hours a day (Joe took >25 pics and planned to make a collage but the files have been confiscated)
17. Joe telling the whole ship that Trisha has ugly knees
16. Trisha being reassured by numerous 70-year-old men that her knees are pretty
15. Joe kicking Trisha's ass at mini golf
14. Trisha kicking Joe's ass at chess
13. Joe earning the nickname "Mr. Cerveza" because none of the Mexicans could remember his name
12. Trisha almost stepping on a manta ray
11. Joe humping Trisha on-stage
10. Trisha lying about her bra size on-stage
9. Joe winning $66 at Bingo
8. Trisha hitting a straight flush at three-card poker (that pays 40-to-1!)
7. Joe putting on Trisha's lipstick while waving around a 50-year-old's bras
6. Trisha getting voted off The Weakest Link in round 2
5. Joe taking off his shirt and doing the Can-Can in front of the whole ship
4. Trisha flashing her belly button piercing to the whole ship -- in a DRESS
3. Joe leaving Trisha alone in the men's bathroom, hiding in the stall, while some guy used the urinal
2. Joe telling the whole ship that sex with Trisha the prior evening was more like Memorial Day (honoring the dead) than the Fourth of July (fireworks)

and the number one thing you won't find a picture of...

1. Trisha and Joe being walked in on by the room steward!

weekends...

...are usually spent planning a wedding and/or going to bars. this weekend i did neither, so i thought it was worth writing about.

thursday: as part of my pre-wedding-beauty-regimen-experimentation, i got microderm abrasion and a chemical peel. the chemical part hurt like HELL. she informed me halfway through the procedure that i'm going to peel for the next TWO WEEKS! like i have a bad sunburn, except that i paid $89 to get it. i better look super hot.

friday: see previous blog

saturday: i took joe to breakfast in the middle of his 14-hour shift (he had to get his hours in before we leave for vegas on wednesday). went shopping by myself. it's the only way i like to do it. i got two new "moisture wicking" tanktops from old navy for bike rides. i walked around barnes and noble (my favorite store) for an hour. thank god for my kindle or i'd have spent $100 there. i rode my bike 10 miles downtown (while wearing a new tanktop of course) to check out the first annual "craft lake city." it was awesome! i met up with my friend from work sue and her cute daughter. we were there to support our old friend amber and her purse line, mode. her purses rock! they clip on your wrist or belt loop -- perfect for riding or just not having to deal with a god damn purse all the time. i've been using it all weekend and i think it's the best purchase i've made in a while. there was tons of other cool stuff there but i PURPOSEFULLY took my bike so i couldn't buy any of it. i saw kristen and jaxon on my way home. random!! the 10 miles home was much harder than the 1o miles there....got home and crashed. joe and i watched the davinci code. the last 10 minutes got cut off by the tivo so we had to drive 5 miles to find a copy at redbox. lame.

sunday: i made a yummy breakfast. i'm a good cook when i want to be. i watched "the curious case of benjamin button." it was kinda boring. we went to a bees game. we took joe's bike. i love the bike, but he says it's "not comfortable" with me on the back. guess we need a cruiser bike. i swear i love baseball, but you'd never guess it by sitting through a bees game with me. i just sit and drink and dink around on the crackberry. beer was $6.75!! now i remember why we only go on thirsty thursdays. too bad there are no more this season. we took care of some in-law drama, i.e. putting together 40 new invites since they gave me their list too late. we went to dinner at applebees. now i'm sitting here wasting a few hours, trying not to watch "miss march" while joe is laughing his ass off about it.

days off

days off are great. wasn't all the way "off" though. talked with an attorney for 10 minutes about a case. mom probably won't get her kids back. she lets dad choke her. i guess hitting and pushing are okay, but choking is not. she'll probably die. and she fakes surgeries to get pills. six year old cried because foster mom was sick and he thought he wouldn't get dinner. three year old likes to punch other kids in the face with a closed fist. good thing it was only a 10 minute call. that's about all i can take sometimes.

the day got better. went for a bike ride with my sister. had 40 minutes of drama trying to fit my bike in the trunk. tried the bike rack but gave up on that, too. finally rode to meet her instead. was awesome until we ran out of trail and then she got a flat tire. thank god we were close to joe's office. thank god he took his truck to work. don't think our 2 bikes would have fit on his motorcycle.

got my oil changed. my last one was 5892 miles ago. whoops. also need new tires, new battery, coolant flush, air filter, and transmission service. maybe i'll stick with the bike.

finally got a wedding list from my future in-laws. they invited their attorney, accountant, realtor, and loan processor. retarded. they better bring good gifts. they better not expect dom. joe wants dom. i'm going to veto that until my last breath. i'd rather spend the weekend in st. george.

went to a sex toy party. third one this year. not obsessed, just supporting joe's cousin. people are funny. girl next to me would not try anything. not even edible glitter. get over yourself. another girl thought i was 32. obviously the $89 chemical peel was a waste. that bitch better watch her back.

went to a movie with my girlfriend from college and her friends. girls night was good. wish we could have talked more. movie was cute. 500 days of summer. sundance movie. hot girl. hot boy. "not a love story." go see it.

don't know why i'm writing like this. read a blog written like this a few days ago. style must have stuck in my head. don't even like the girl who writes that blog.

Go Bold or Go Home

Joe and I went to Del Taco the other night around 10:30. I know, I know, that was my first mistake. It was after softball, I didn't want to cook, and some bitch on Joe's team said I was "horrible"at softball, so it was an emotional-eating-relapse.

Anyway there was the woman there, probably late 20's, with four kids ranging from two to eight. They were running all over the play land, with HUGE sodas, at TEN THIRTY ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT. Joe thought she must be a foster mom (I pray it wasn't so). My guess was a nanny. Maybe she was their mom, who knows? Anyway she brings the two year old over to the drink machine for a refill. Joe and I are on the edge of our seats to see if he gets caffeine or not. Drum roll...........CHERRY COKE!!!

They play for a little longer and then we follow them out as they leave. We were seriously 15 seconds behind them and she was already pulling out of the parking lot. Please tell me how she could have put four children in car seats/booster seats in 15 seconds? I seriously almost followed her to give her a piece of my mind.

Then I was thinking: "Is this really a huge deal? It's summer -- maybe they earned a late-night trip to Del Taco for doing all their chores. Maybe I'm too judgmental of how other people raise their kids. Maybe I need Valium." Yes, I think I need Valium.

More wedding stuff....

I know, my blog is boring lately, but I might want to remember these days many years from now, and Lord knows I'm not going to write in a journal. Joe and I have been making some headway on theknot.com's massive to-do list...

This is my beautiful sister, Devyn, modeling the bridesmaids dress I chose. My original plan was to have all three girls wear different styles of brown dresses, but Kara and Devyn both fell in love with the same dress, so now Stephany is stuck with it, too. That's what she gets for moving to Houston. Joe's amazing-seamstress-of-a-mother is going to replace the sashes with green ones (spinach party taffeta, to be exact). To keep things from being too cookie-cutter, the girls are going to choose their own shoes, jewelry, and hairdo's.

Joe's mom is also making us a ring pillow like this, but with a green ribbon. And I have the cutest ring bearer, ever -- my little brother, Cayden.
I'm proud to announce that we officially have an Officiant! Judge Sharon McCully is a Third District Juvenile Court Judge. I've had many abuse and neglect cases with families in her courtroom over the years. I figured who better to put a new family together than someone whose lifelong career has been focused on helping families be happy and healthy? Judge McCully is getting back from vacation the day before our wedding and leaving again the following week, so we got very lucky that she agreed to squeeze us in. And, rather than charging us a fee, she suggested that we make a donation to The Children's Center in her name. How cool is that?
The second I got engaged, even before she congratulated me, my best friend Kara said, "I get to go cake taste-testing with you!" We're going to do that this Friday. My old boss's wife is going to make my cake (she is amazing!) but Kara and I figured why not take advantage of all the bakeries in town by tasting their cakes? I want my cake similar to the one pictured here, but with green instead of orange frosting, and probaby more elegant patterns than the dots and swirls. I just like the idea of the off-center tiers with different patterns and flavors in each.

Joe is so damn picky. He wanted a ring with these three qualities:

1. Joe-speak = "black metal"
Jeweler-speak = tungsten

2. Joe-speak = "flat"
Jeweler-speak = brushed
(he said he's "too dull" for high-polish)

3. Joe-speak = "rough edges"
Jeweler-speak = faceted

Once we got this all translated, we found a ring that he loved with one exception -- it was high-polished all over. The jeweler said, "No problem! We'll just send it to our after-marker jeweler to have it brushed for ya!" Well, little did he (or we) know, but tungsten is the hardest metal known to man, and it can't be brushed. The only way to get it brushed is if the actual mold has a brushed pattern. And no manufacturer makes an all-brush ring. Many have A LOT of brushing, but there is always an area of high-polishing. So basically, the ring Joe wanted is a physical impossibility.

Old ring

We returned that ring and started the search over from square one. Luckily he found this one that has just a tiny bit of polishing. It's hardly noticeable in the crevices. God forbid that he stand out. It actually worked out for the best because he likes this ring way more than the first one. And it was half the price (not like that matters, since, like Joe was quick to point out, we could get 40 of his rings for the price of mine.)

New ring

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

I should have known better than to read a book that my BROTHER recommended. (Description of said brother for those of you who aren't lucky enough to know him: 22-year-old male with a history of substance abuse and untreated bipolar disorder. Unemployed for the last year, unless you count his hobby of growing and selling illegal drugs throughout the west side of Salt Lake.) I feel like a dirty whore after reading this book. I'm just going to flip to some random pages and and give you some random quotes:

• "Fellatio won't fill the hole in your soul!!"
• "While there are many wonderful women in the world who should be treated with respect, some are just filthy whores."
• "Motherf***er! How dare you besmirch my whore-attraction abilities. I'm going to hook up with a girl right in front of you, and then make you smell my finger."
• "F*** it. If I can beat her, choke her, shove things into her ass and get incredible head on the toilet, and STILL not find her limits, then she wins. I can't go any further."

And I can't go any further. Those are just some G-rated examples. The whole book is about Tucker Max's ability to drink more that is humanly possible, and his escapades of screwing a number of women "somewhere in the low triple digits." Check out this quote from his website: "I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead." I agree.

The worst part about this book is that I actually finished reading it. And I have to admit that I laughed at more parts than I should have. I am disgusted with myself for finding some of his stories funny. I'm just glad I didn't pay for this book because the royalties probably would have bought him more alcohol and thus encouraged the torture and humiliation of one more woman.

If you are a misogynist, a pervert, or just curious, you can read more here: http://www.tuckermax.com/

T-minus 4 months

Well I'm finally getting excited about all this wedding B.S. And it really is B.S. I can't believe how much I'm spending on silly little things that I would never buy otherwise. But I'll admit it's kind of fun once you get going on things. This weekend we found all the groomsmen's attire, we designed invites and a program, AND I added a third bridesmaid! Yay for Steph!

"Stone" shirts and a SUPER awesome green/brown/stone striped tie that I had to special order from Vegas. These boys are gonna be HOT!

"Olive" vests that are actually more lime than olive. (And not with that tie.)

Flat-front pants in "coffee". They are so lucky I'm not making them wear jackets.
The invite -- designed by yours truly
COOLEST wedding program ever (front and back covers)
COOLEST wedding program ever (inside)

1 down, 21 to go

Weekends of wedding planning, that is.

Here are just some of the arguments my mother and I have had since I got engaged:

Argument #1: The bar
Trisha: We're going to serve beer and wine at the reception. Joe and I will pay because we know you're not into that.
Mom: No way. My LDS neighbors will feel uncomfortable around alcohol.
Trisha: There is alcohol at Chili's and Olive Garden, and I'm sure they eat there. It's not like we're going to do body shots off each other.
Mom: I don't care, I don't want it around.
Trisha: Fine, we'll put on the invitations, "Reception from 6 to 9, bar opens at 7."
Mom: No. I'm not going to advertise that there will be alcohol there!
Joe to me: Then tell her she can have her own private reception in her backyard and we'll make a brief appearance.
Trisha: I give up.

Argument #2: The officiator
Mom: You should really consider having Bishop Lang officiate your wedding.
Trisha: No way. I haven't been to church in 8 years, and Joe is Catholic!
Mom: He is a great man. He would do a really neutral, beautiful speech.
Trisha: No! I hated his kids growing up. I don't want him to be part of the biggest day of my life. Plus, the symbolism of that is just totally disrespectful to Joe's family. I'm planning to ask a juvenile court judge.
Mom: Well you should at least think about it.
Trisha: I give up.

Argument #3: The invites
Trisha: Mom, I saw these cute invites with a plus sign. What do you think about "Trisha + Joe"?
Mom: I hate it. The "+" looks like a cross!
Trisha: I give up.



Argument #4: The hair
Trisha: Mom, here are some hair pics I like (all updos). Which do you like?
Mom: I thought you were wearing your hair down. Why did you waste all this time growing it out?
Trisha: Because you need long hair for a cool updo.
Mom: You should wear it down. Why do you even ask for my opinion if you don't want it?
Trisha: I give up.

Argument #5: The centerpieces
Trisha: Mom, I saw this really cute idea of putting coffee beans in the bottom of the vases instead of dirt.
Mom: You know I HATE the smell of coffee.
Trisha: Mom, that smell is from GROUND coffee beans or BREWED coffee. Whole coffee beans don't really smell.
Mom: No. The smell makes me want to throw up.
Trisha: It's not like you're going to be sitting at the tables where the centerpieces are.
Mom: No. If I'm putting up with alcohol, I'm not putting up with coffee, too.
Trisha: I give up.

Argument #6: The dress shopping
Trisha: Joe's mom will be in town for my graduation and for "wedding kickoff planning weekend" so I want to go dress shopping with her and you and Kara.
Mom: This may sound selfish, but I have been waiting 25 years for this day, and I don't want to share it with anyone.
Trisha: Well I want them included. I've been totally stressed about this weekend and how to make everyone enjoy themselves and feel a part of this, and dress shopping is what I came up with.
Mom: Well maybe you can find a day to go shopping just with ME before Mary gets here.
Trisha: NO! I have a job and I'm not rearranging my schedule for your silly selfish requests. I guess we can do something else that weekend if you refuse to participate. I give up.

So you can see why I have been JUST A LITTLE STRESSED about "wedding kickoff weekend." Well I have to say, it was not as bad as I had expected. My mom relented on wanting solo dress time (due to the persuasion of her bank teller) so we shopped for that. I think Mary's presence helped to calm the storm between me and my mom because we ACTUALLY ALL GOT ALONG!! It was a small miracle, really. And we found a dress! (Can't post pics here b/c Joe reads the blog, but email me if you want to see them.) There was just one small issue...

Argument #7: The color
Trisha: Mom, thanks for being cool about me wanting an ivory dress. I really thought you would push for white and that would become a huge issue.
Mom: Well I think ivory is best with you and Joe living together.
Trisha: What?!
Mom: Yeah, I think the reason for ivory being more and more popular is because so many people cohabitate these days.
Trisha: I give up.

Eenie-meenie-miney-mo

Which one do you think it is, Joe?
You will never know...
Until the 10th of Octo'

Chicken Shit Bingo

Yes, you heard me right. Chicken Shit Bingo. It was just one of the Kentucky Derby festivities at Piper Down this past weekend. The rules are pretty basic. Numbers 1-48 are randomly distributed throughout the bar by green-haired Bud Light Girls. Then, a chicken is let loose on the 6x8 grid and you just hope and pray it shits on your number first! The stupid chicken kept walking over my number (#19) and I was screaming, "SHIT, SHIT, YOU DAMN CHICKEN!!!!" Joe said I was the loudest person in the crowd. Imagine that. In the end, the chicken shit on someone else's number, but it was sure hilarious to watch!

One of the Bud Light Girls letting the chicken "Ms. Obama" loose

"NINETEEN, NINETEEN YOU STUPID CHICKEN!!!"

Joe, Jordan, and Vic cheering for the chickens
(wait, why are they looking at the Bud Light Girl?)

Deathstar

I've been hearing about the so-called "most famous drink in SLC" for years, so I finally decided to try one. We watched the bartender making them, and the process looked so promising, but the result was pretty disappointing. Mine tasted just like it looks -- "blue" -- and for those of you who have ever had a blue alcoholic beverage, you know what I'm talking about. Kim and Tina's tasted like High C fruit punch. Don't waste the $8, but I do highly recommend the spicy chicken nachos.

El Chihuahua on 3900 S Highland Dr

Death and Taxes (I think I prefer death)

Let me begin with a little personal tax history. I used to do my own taxes until I started selling Mary Kay in 2005, and then it just got way too complicated with Schedule C's and the like. I became so overwhelmed by the thought of finding a good tax consultant and having to explain to him or her why I didn't keep very good business records during the year, that I just didn't deal with any of it! That's right, I didn't file my taxes that year. Or the next year. Or the year after that. Doesn't sound like the responsible, law-abiding, OCD Trisha that you know, does it?!

Then one day, I won a Mini Cooper, and I decided I better get my shit together because the IRS would surely be after me for that $8K debt. I found this awesome tax guy (Mark) who specializes in Mary Kay business taxes, and he helped me catch up all 3 years I had been avoiding. Basically, he became my new personal hero, and I was committed to being a life-long customer.

So where did things go astray? Joe is where. Joe is what we call a bargain shopper. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's a very nice quality to have; he compliments my impulsiveness well. Well Joe decided that he didn't want to pay Mark another $200 this year. I agreed it was a little high, but I would rather pay him $1000 than go through the drama of finding a new accountant at this point. So I made Joe a deal that we could use a new tax guy of his choosing as long as Joe did all the legwork and I just got to sit and sign.

So Joe hires this guy that his dad recommended (Dale). Dale is a cute old guy who does taxes in the basement of his home. Joe and I knew we were screwed as soon as Dale put his pudgy little fingers to the keyboard. Bet you never knew that I work for the "State of Uta" and that Joe and I won some "prises" last year? Two-and-a-half hours later when his next clients showed up, we were far from done, so he asked us to grab some dinner and come back in an hour. When we got back, he had lost my returns. Thank God we found them, paid this guy his $160, and ran out the door.

First thing next morning, Joe scheduled a Second Look Review at H&R Block because we did not trust this guy at all. Surprise, surprise! He f***ed the whole thing up. He put the house on Joe's return, when it saved us more money to put it on mine. He put our prize winnings on a Schedule C, which is for earned income, so he had us paying twice as much tax on them. He encouraged me to claim a business office in my home for MK, when I really didn't qualify. Our return at H&R turned out to be much less, but at least it was legal and accurate! So we paid them $329 to just file the damn thing.

So then Joe calls Dale to ask for a refund. We were hoping for at least half, if not all of it, back. I know he spent a lot of time on our returns, but he was putting us in position to owe the IRS hundreds of dollars if we ever got audited! Right in the middle of the call, Dale cuts Joe off, says he will call him later, and HANGS UP. WTF. He finally calls back a week later and offers us $50 back (much less than half). Joe argues his point; Dale says no. What an ass.

So all in all we spent about 1/2 a mortgage payment on tax returns this year. I guess you live and you learn. The plus side is that Joe learned how to do the Schedule Cs for Mary Kay after sitting through so many hours of tax preparation, so we'll be doing our own taxes next year!

I heart insurance companies

So much for great State benefits! PEHP (the company that provides health insurance to State employees) has made a lot of changes to their plans this year due to the economy. First off, my premium went from 2% to 5% (okay I still only pay about $18 a month so I'm not going to complain). And, office copays increased by $5. I guess I can handle that. But here are the things I CANNOT handle:

• ER visits increased from $75 to $150. Let's screw all the people who are most in need!
• Drugs for the treatment of nail fungus will no longer be covered because it "is considered cosmetic." Now I've never had a nail fungus, but I can imagine that you would want it gone for more than cosmetic reasons.
• Oral and nasal antihistamines will no longer be covered because "availability of antihistamines as over-the-counter drugs is increasing." If this is their argument, why do we even buy insurance at all? Why don't we just buy everything over the counter?
  

and the kicker...

• Drugs for enuresis (bedwetting) will no longer be covered because they are "not a medical necessity." Are you seriously shitting me right now? Let's punish the children. It's totally fine to let kids piss all over themselves. They may not be MEDICALLY necessary, but they sure as hell are necessary for good MENTAL HEALTH! PEHP is going to end up paying tons more in therapy services in the long run -- for these kids AND for their parents. And society is going to pay for this new policy through an increase in bullying, depression, and more Suleyman Taloviches.

The Sound of Music...

...is my favorite movie of all time, so I just had to post this! It's at a train station in Antwerp, Belgium. I can't figure out if these are professional dancers or just the public, but either way, it will make you smile!

Bullseye!

There must be a huge bullseye on my car. This is my fourth car accident in which someone has decided to run right into me. Many of you know about the previous three, which led to a wonderful 18-month lawsuit. Luckily, I'm done and over with that crap. Luckily, no one was in the car with me. And luckily, HAD Joe been in the car with me, he wouldn't be suing me.

I was just leaving my office and headed to see a client. (Thank God I didn't take a State car. It was Friday, so there were plenty available, but I was just too lazy to deal with that.) I had a green arrow to turn left onto southbound Bangerter Hwy from westbound Parkway Blvd . This kid was FLYING up northbound Bangerter and ran his red light. Said he "didn't see it". As I was making my left turn, I saw him coming at me, so I hit the gas to avoid the impact. I didn't quite make it out of his way -- he hit my driver's side rear tire. But thank GOD I saw him, because if I hadn't sped up, the impact probably would have been right on the driver's side door! My car spun around 180 degrees right in the middle of that busy intersection. Thank God no one ELSE hit me!

So who do you think I called first?
a. 911
b. Joe
c. my mom
d. my client who I was headed to see

And the answer is...d! What an idiot, right? I called her, CRYING, to tell her I couldn't make it. I was so embarrassed, but I was already running 5 minutes late, and I didn't want her to think I stood her up. Then I tried to call 911, but Joe was calling ME at that exact moment, so he got to hear what happened before the dispatcher. The cops were almost there by the time I called 911!

The kid who hit me admitted he ran the light, and he got a ticket. Plus, a witness stopped to tell the cop what happened (I'll remember to stop next time I see an accident because that was really nice of her.) The poor kid was really scared, and his girlfriend was crying and yelling at him. I said to Joe, "I feel bad for him," and Joe said, "Me, too." This is why I love Joe. (For those of you who know about the previously-mentioned-person-who-sued-me's-reaction-to-car-accidents, you know what I'm talking about.

My car was certainly not drive-able. I could barely drive it out of the intersection to the side of the road. The tow truck bent my axle when he put it on the tow bed, so we'll see if it's totaled or not. Part of me would like to buy a new car right now, but the other part of me says, "No way! Your car is paid off and it's sooo nice not to have a car payment! Plus you have a wedding to pay for!" So we'll see what happens, but in the meantime, I have a nice Pontiac G6 rental car.

Rear driver's side tire (and the culprit's car in the background)

My back seat. This stuff was MOSTLY in a nice stack before I got hit. Notice the orange and yellow box -- the lid got knocked off and pictures flew everywhere.

Resolution

I admit, I have been horrible at keeping up the blog lately. I'm blaming Facebook. But I am recommitting myself to blogging, now that I have a sweet new camera, school is almost over, and I have a big vacation to document! Here's my one disclaimer: I used to blog to entertain you all, but now I am going to blog more for my own benefit. I have a HORRIBLE memory (ask Joe or Kara) and I want to be able to remember all these fun things I'm doing! So if my new blog style bores you, sorry, but no one is making you read it.

Spring Break Day 5

A whole day at sea! What can we possibly find to do.....?

Art auction: This would have been interesting if the first hour hadn't been devoted to browsing through all the pieces! I just wanted to see how fast the auctioneer could talk and laugh at rich fools as they threw away all their money. At least we had free champagne while we waited. And I discovered my favorite new artist: Itzchak Tarkay (pronounced Eat-Sock Tark-Eye). His work is AMAZING! Too bad the watercolor landscape I wanted started at $12,000.

Horse races: Remember that little pony-head-on-a-stick you had when you were little? Who ever thought six of these ponies could come together to create the MOST FUN I HAVE EVER HAD ON A CRUISE SHIP?! You bet $1 on whichever horse feels lucky, and then wait for your dice to be rolled! Sounds stupid, but I swear to you, this is more edge-of-your-seat action than the NBA playoffs. My horse won the first round, Joe's won the second round, and unfortunately, neither of our horses won the final bonus round :(

Gambling: Joe stopped by the casino for some three-card poker action. He'd been lucky in Vegas, but just to outdo himself, he had to hit a three of a kind! That pays 30:1, you know. His single hand paid for my gambling all week. Good job, baby!

Hyponist: If you haven't seen one, you have to go! I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. It was an "adult's only" show and the tasks included:
-- Whenever the hypnotist looked at one of the women, her panties were to immediately begin vibrating
-- The participants were told that they had an extreme case of poison ivy on their asses, and the only way to relieve the itching was to scratch against the person next to them
-- The participants were told that the room was getting hotter than an oven, so they all began stripping off their clothes (underwear stayed on). Then, when getting dressed again, they couldn't find the arm or neck holes in their shirts, so they got tangled in their clothes until directed otherwise.
-- Whenever the hypnotist chose one participant to dance with, all the other participants were to become extremely jealous. But they were glued to their chairs and their chairs were glued to the floor. You should have seen these people FREAKING OUT because they couldn't stop their lover from dancing with someone else.

It was a great day at sea and a great trip overall! Off to bed for a looooong drive back to Salt Lake tomorrow!

Spring Break Day 4

We woke up in Ensanada, Mexico, which is about 130 miles south of San Diego. We took a city tour and learned so much! I won't bore you with all the details, but you can learn all about Ensenada here. Our tour guide took us to the world's third-largest blow hole, "La Bufadora". It wasn't blowing very strong that day, so here's a pic I found online of a big blow (that's what she said)! There were tons of shops near the blow hole, especially pharmacies. I have been to Mexico plenty of times, but I never remember being offered Cialis, Viagra, and Prozac every 5 feet! I would have bought some Botox if I knew how to inject it into myself. We also tried to find Joe a wedding ring because we thought it would make for a good story, but they only had silver and he wants "black metal", whatever that is.

This was our only chance to grab some authentic Mexican food, so we tried a taco combo platter: shrimp, fish, and carne asada. They were AWESOME, and they came with free margaritas! Have you ever had a Mexican margarita? They are nothing like margaritas here -- they are made with Squirt, tequila, and lime juice! Also, the beer is much cheaper onshore than on the ship, so we had to take advantage of that by buying a "bucket-o-beer." We didn't want to carry around all 6 bottles in a big bucket of ice, so the waiter was nice enough to pour each of our 3 bottles into HUGE Big-Gulp-type cups. It was so ghetto and awesome! And we could drink on the bus. It was like the Wendover FunBus except with way better views.

Next, we visited Santa Tomas Winery in downtown Ensenada. The tour was pretty disappointing; it wasn't nearly as cool as the tequila factory we toured in Puerto Vallarta last year. They just showed us a big warehouse full of oak barrels and antiquated equipment, and then tried to sell us a bunch of wine (which we bought, duh!)

We got back to the ship just in time for Formal Night dinner. Can I just say how RIDICULOUS this event is? Every cruise does it, and it is just as stupid every time. Joe and I put all this time and effort into packing our suit/cocktail dress and getting all gussied up, just to walk into the dining room to find half the people in jeans! And the ship staff does nothing about it. If they are going to advertise formal night, they need to enforce it. Why should I look all pretty while other people in sweat pants get to stuff themselves silly?

Off to bed for a day-at-sea tomorrow...